They are more than eight hundred, every month, to push the door of the Pink House, in the heart of Bordeaux. A place of speech, a bubble of lightness for women with cancer. "Their first act is to put their wig at the entrance," says Céline Lis-Raoux, director of the association Rose.

They know that no one will judge them, they need to talk peer-to-peer. They say: "We have a husband and children, we already have a bad conscience to have cancer and to share with them, we do not go, besides, talk to them about the side effects and our anxieties." But suddenly we do not talk about it at home or at the day hospital where care, thanks to new therapies, is ambulatory. This is the great loneliness. And loneliness does not help healing.

"Studies * have shown that lack of social support impacts both the physical and mental prognosis of the disease," says psychiatrist Sarah Dauchy, head of the supportive care department at the Gustave-Roussy Institute in Villejuif. Being without a friend, spouse or children is associated with increased risk of death. "

Do not fall into the injunction of "talking is good"

Still, what does it take to support a sick friend? Do not be in the injunction of "talk, it feels good". "There are women," says the psychiatrist, "who are better when they talk about their emotions, and others, not at all. We are on much safer ground when we offer material support: "I will keep your children so that you can blow", or informational: "I give you a good address."

And then the caregiver is not necessarily the closest person, the one to whom, precisely, one wants to prove that one manages everything, or the one on which one already depends a lot, this variability is important. In the particular relationship that is built with the one we have chosen, the confidante, the soul mate, other things are playing out a simple request for help. "She is the mirror of the person we were before the disease and she returns this image. I have patients who come to the hospital always accompanied by a friend, the one that allows them to remain oneself. "

Social networks to "make sense of what you're going through"

On the web also friendships are created through community networks like Rose Magazine (20,000 members), private Facebook groups, blogs, which can support each other, share information. "Social networks have taken the place left by the hospital, says Céline Lis-Raoux, and allowed to give meaning to what we are going through. When fifty patients are at the same time under chemotherapy in the day room, to tell their own experience on social networks is to restore their individuality, to be in the continuity of their life before. "

In fact, the most difficult thing is to confront indifference. "When, at the end of classes, you notice a mother with a wig," said Sarah Dauchy, "it is better to hear from her. Rather than pretending to see nothing.

Carole, 38, talks about her relationship with 45-year-old Christelle

"In December 2007, I'm 28 when I feel a ball above the right breast. I have an aggressive cancer. It's shocking, I'm young and angry. I had a lumpectomy followed by chemotherapy for six months. Chemo is very stressful, luckily my mother is steward, and my husband is exceptional. I have few memories of this period, but I remember one thing very well: our meeting.

In September 2008, my daughter is in a small kindergarten section. In the courtyard, Christelle looks at me and smiles at me. I'm wearing a boy's hair. His mother had breast cancer, she guesses that I'm sick to my complexion, the regrowth of my hair. Our unique daughters, Amandine and Eva, are in the same class, we do class outings together. Christelle comes every day half an hour before leaving class. This is how we meet to discuss in our cars. Our friendship was born there, in the school parking lot.

"I can not hide anything from her, she feels everything"

Right away, I feel she understands. When I feel bad, she knows it. And stay by my side without forcing me to explain in detail my condition. The years go by, Christelle continues to support me. And I heal, a first time.

Last December, I feel a ball again. Rebelote: puncture. You have to wait a week for the results. "Wait, not twice, anyway! "Reassures me Christelle. The results fall: HER2 cancer positive. I call my husband and, just after, Christelle. I say, "I do not want tears. She takes on her, but I know she's crying alone at her desk, at home, in her car. Christelle is a big worrier, whereas me, cancer has freed me from anxiety. I reassure her, I tell her that she also has the strength of character to overcome the trials of life. We do our learning together.

I know that I can call him at any time of day and night. She is my support, a base on which to rest. When I have a mastectomy, she comes to my house with a salad and a USB key with movies and series. We laugh a lot. She is my friendly soul mate. I did not know it could exist.

"I can talk to him about my fears, about death too"

When I have to shave my hair, that's what I call, because it helps me to take the disease with humor. Besides, she managed to convince me to do otherwise. " Why ? There are banners, you will not lose all your hair. And the regrowth will be longer. " I accepted. I can tell him about my fears, these treatments that block my cycle. Death too. Even if it worries him. She does not like it very much when I get on this issue.

Today, I am not yet in remission, I live every day fully. But I have resources, I do not intend to die tomorrow. Our husbands are not jealous, but sometimes they have to ask themselves what can be told. Our friendship is fusional, as binoculars, accomplices, complementary. My husband knows that it is not negotiable, that I love Christelle as my sister. "

More info on cancerdusein.org and rosemagazine.fr. (*) Berkeley and Harvard study, in Journal of Clinical Oncology, September 2005.